What’s that one thing that works wonders when it comes to finding a suitable match for marriage... actually, arranged marriage? There are plenty but one thing that tops the list is... no prize for guesses... its Looks!
First thing or first impression that is made in arranged marriages, especially in our country is judged on the basis of how one looks! I know it's shallow but it is the truth! And the radar is mostly on girls.
Let’s say there’s a girl, Sita, well educated, is a working professional, well travelled, full of talent, sugar-coatingly sweet, beyond helpful to others, is a true winner in every field, popular amongst friends, is bold to take her stand, but... there’s always a but... she’s fat! And by fat, I mean fat and not healthy! And what surprises everybody around her is that she isn’t bothered by her body weight... not even an ounce of it!
She is a foodie and loves to eat and she munches almost everything... unapologetically! She’s been like this since her childhood and that is how her body has been and she’s accepted the fact that fitting in that skinny label is not her!
She’s happy the way she is! Broad and Bold!
Except for her parents, or her relatives or her neighbours or the society!
How will she get married with a body like that? Her parents are so worried about her! She should join a gym and live on boiled food for a while! She should go on a strict diet. She should use stairs at work, she should this... she should that and the rest you know!
Not one person, not a single soul is concerned for her health! Yes, being overweight is not a good sign. But no one talks about that. Everyone wants her slim so that she becomes the “perfect marriage material”!
But she doesn’t want that! She wants someone who would look beyond those chubby cheeks, she wants to be with someone who would make her laugh and have an ice-cream or a brownie at midnight, she wants to have a guy in her life that would fall for her soul, the one with whom she can share how scared she feels when she thinks of her weight, but no one gets that!
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Obviously, these things are surreal! Do they even exist? Stop having such expectations from life! It happens only in books or movies but not in real. So stop fretting over it and look alive!
A fat boy is acceptable but a fat girl is a total no-no in our society! What I, don't understand is, when the boy can refuse to marry an overweight girl, why does the girl has to say a yes to an overweight boy? She too can go for a perfectly well-built guy and there is no harm in that!
All of this really disturbs me sometimes! If someone is fat, so? What is everyone’s problem? Maybe they like being this way or they’re going on some medications or suffering from some disease or they eat too much... So what? IT IS NOT OUR BUSINESS! And there is so much beyond how a person looks! Try looking beyond and you’ll discover their power within!
Cheers
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Welcome to my Blog! This A to Z Challenge, season I’m going to give you a ride and take you to all the places untouched! My theme this year is ‘Let’s see the other Side’, where I’ll be sharing about the daily nuances that we’ve been seeing in the same way since 1990’s! (:P) But this time you’re going to ponder over it a bit differently.
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Agree .. in an arranged marriage the first thing that strikes is the looks. But surely , most mature individuals going in for an arranged marriage these days do tend to look beyond looks and interact to understanding the kind of partner to be expected. And well... A fab not is a no no too
ReplyDeleteYes, but that is really rare. Even if the person has a mature approach, the family isn't very fond of such an outlook! Moreover, lot of things change post marriage and always remain the way we expect them to be!
DeleteCheers
I so agree with you, Geetika. Sadly, it's how we have been conditioned, right since childhood, to focus on what's outside, than what's within, I hope we, as humans, wake up to the fact that all that glitters is not gold, all that matters is what's within the soul!
ReplyDeleteYes! Exactly! What if you're deceived by looks and things turn upside down post marriage? I'm glad you could resonate with the post Shilpa!
DeleteCheers
I love these "arranged marriages ' . And aren't they all arranged? By God if not your parents???? Look forward to following you this April.
ReplyDeleteYah.. by finding the person fixed by God involves lot of hassle and one has to go through a lot before meeting their someone special!
DeleteCheers
The hardest part is accepting that we are conditioned to focus on what we can see, rather than get to know the person. I know people rejecting girls based on what if she gets fat again, too. So ultimately all that hard work wouldn't, matter in the end, if the reasons for it are wrong.
ReplyDeleteYup. It's the flaw in the system! Girls want to slim down to become more acceptable rather than focusing on their health! And that is what needs to be ingrained!
DeleteCheers
Society will take a long time to change. Instead we need to focus on accepting ourselves and stop caring about what the world thinks. That said, as you mentioned, a person (girl/boy) should be concerned if they are unduly overweight and get it examined. Not for marriage purposes, but for health and fitness. I hope people realise that.
ReplyDelete*A for Abundant: Shailaja/The Moving Quill*
Yah! Years and centuries and I don't know when will there be a ray of light in the society! But yes, we can do our bit and contribute to the change we want to see!
DeleteCheers
Arranged marriage in India sucks. I could go on and on about it. As for fat, well that doesn't matter as long as you're fit and active. But if it starts affecting your fitness levels, then you need to do something about it.
ReplyDeleteHappy AtoZing!
Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com
Exactly my thoughts, Chicky!
DeleteCheers
It's always so interesting reading about other cultures and what is acceptable - in Australia we'd faint if someone had an arranged marriage :)
ReplyDeleteLeanne | cresting the hill
Haha! And yet it still works out just fine in so many cases in India!
DeleteCheers
I am not a fan of this arranged marriage concept. It's so biased. I really hope people stop going for looks and look beyond that.
ReplyDeleteArts of Different Form
Me too! But that is how it is!
DeleteCheers
I agree...that's how our minds have been conditioned..to look at appearances and make our decisions. But no one really thinks about the fact that looks can be deceptive too.
ReplyDeleteShubhangi @ The Little Princess
Ah! Looks are so deceptive! Well said, Shubhangi!
DeleteCheers
Sad truth, GG. Complexion, looks ,dowry are the deciding factors for a girl in an arranged marriage in most of India. Even today. I liked how you've worded your thoughts without taking sides or sounding judgemental and instead shining the light on an important issue and making the reader think. Looking forward to your posts.
ReplyDeleteYou liked it? I'm so glad! Thank you so much, M!
DeleteCheers
My mom sorta picked out one girl only in my life, and I never even dated her. It was a French girl who worked at a stand at the beach, and wow was she cute. You make excellent points here - arranged or not, the hope is that we will see a person as a whole and not just of our perception of them if we are to become their partner.
ReplyDeleteIt's a balance between being the best overall we can be, and finding someone who appreciates us in this incomplete state.
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Eli@CoachDaddy
#AtoZChallenge: A is for device addiction
I'm glad you could resonate with the post!
DeleteCheers
Ha been there! And I was not even fat back then! Bleh :/ Such judgmental mindsets!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Geets.
Thailand Travel Stories at Kohl Eyed Me
26 Indian Dishes at Something's Cooking
Thank you, Shalini :)
DeleteCheers
Some people are born to find out faults in a girl while they search for a bride for their 'beta-no-1' groom-to-be! Very insightful post GG. Say no to body shaming.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tina :)
DeleteCheers
Nice to meet you, Geetika! Looks fade, and people tend to gain weight as they get older. It's best to base a marriage on character and personality instead.
ReplyDeleteSandra Ulbrich Almazan, Science Fiction/Fantasy Author
Thanks Sandra! Glad to have you on my space :) I hope you enjoy here :)
DeleteCheers
Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shweta!
DeleteCheers
Not a fan of arranged marriage but more so, not a fan of the expectations that come with it. Weight, height, skin colour etc etc. Gah! As for the weight issue, I agree, each to their own. I will say that it's important in terms of a health perspective but who are we to judge. Nice start Geetika!
ReplyDeleteYes,it's mostly everything about a girl that comes under the radar. Glad you liked the post!
DeleteThanks and look forward to having you around!
Cheers
I agree. Looks and first impressions are an important part of arranged marriages. It's a pity and I do hope people will learn to look beyond looks.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tulika :)
DeleteCheers
Someone once called one of the girls I know a baby elephant and refused to marry her. Imagine the kind of blow her self esteem must have felt. But she is strong and made something of her life. The society is blind and judgemental... I hope people were more accepting.
ReplyDeleteAnd the girl I'm talking about is being referred as a fat cow behind her back! People will never change no matter where they go!
DeleteCheers
Sad but true. Looks rule the roost in the marriage as well as the dating scene. And besides the looks (as if that wasn't enough) the fascination for skin color and body weight only add to the misery of women in India. If only, we could learn to see the person beyond what meets the eye, we'd make for a happier, empathetic society.
ReplyDeleteIf only... sounds like such a complex thing right now!
DeleteCheers
What sucks is that we have not been able to change these concepts even with the passing of a generation :(
ReplyDeleteOur gen really needs to inculcate more sensible values to the next one.
True that! But do you do if people of our generation too carry this mindset?!
DeleteCheers
Yes, it's truly challenging for obese people in our society and more so for women and especially in the marriageable age. Remember Dum Laga Ke Haisha??
ReplyDeleteYeah! Dum Laga ke Haisha is the perfect example!
DeleteCheers
You make some solid points about the focus on appearance, and fatphobia in society. And arranged marriages just complicate that even further. Really interesting first post. I'm looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteA is for… abortion/Parenting in the Wilderness
I am so glad you liked reading it! Look forward to seeing you around!
DeleteCheers
Well, that's how our society is. The best way to deal with this is ignore it. There's so much more to a person than just his looks.
ReplyDeleteYeah. It will take I don't know how many centuries to change this!
DeleteCheers
Visiting from A to Z - I wonder, in the United States, how the immigration of many from the area around India and other cultures that practice arranged marriages will influence it here. We tend to forget, it wasn't that long ago that this practice existed with Europeans, especially (but not limited to) royal families.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how many Indians are there in the US, nothing would change there. Lot of people who go there become how things function there so it's all fine!
DeleteCheers
Very interesting- as an American, I've never really thought about arranged marriages. I do believe that true love is a choice rather than a feeling. You choose to love that person, unconditionally. While we do not have arranged marriages in the US, we still have our body image prejudices - all the men want a shapely girl. Fat girls need not apply. Sad, but it's human nature.
ReplyDeleteMy theme this year, is about Baby boomers and the baby boom years we grew up in. Grab some cookies and milk, and come on over. Atomic Bombs
Debby
Your theme sounds interesting!
DeleteCheers
Honestly, if a guy says no to a girl without even making an attempt to get to know her, I see it as her having a very lucky escape! It's just a shame her parents don't value her enough to see that she deserves better!
ReplyDeleteDebbie
I know! And I too have the same opinion.
DeleteThanks for dropping by Debbie :)
Cheers
True, an arranged marriage is one where looks come in first and then the character and soul. I have always felt that one needs to understand the person better to go into a lfe ong relationship. Launching SIM Organics Shortly
ReplyDelete*Menaka Bharathi*
*SimpleIndianMom*
If only everyone thinks the way we do!
DeleteCheers
Ever heard this song? https://youtu.be/Y1ZJiBHh-Yw (Probably holds true for men AND women!) :D
ReplyDeleteBoth parties should be able to refuse the arrangement, in this day and age. But I suspect the man who chooses a woman based solely on looks will be very disappointed, one day. Perhaps the less attractive mates, male AND female, will have the consolation of contentment and love.
The men here wouldn't refuse and the girls aren't given so much say in refusing!
DeleteThanks for dropping by :)
Cheers
A very relevant post for our social set-up. An unfortunate yet inescapable test for the majority of women in our country . A lover for life cannot be SELECTED on the basis of her looks. Looking forward to hearing your voice all of April.
ReplyDeleteYou can read my A post for the #AtoZBloggingChallenge here..
https://aslifehappens60.wordpress.com/2017/04/01/a-is-for-alchemy-of-attraction-a-to-z-blogging-challenge-2017/
I'm glad it ring a bell with you! And yes, choosing a life partner on the basis of just looks is simply shallowness! Look forward to seeing you around!
DeleteCheers
It literally boils my blood, when I hear these differentiation of boys and girls. Why can't we see everyone as just Humans. No one is superior or inferior than others. When it's a girl, it's bot acceptable but for boys, it's their birth right.
ReplyDeleteSadly, that is how it works for most of the girls in the country and the elders don't even realize how wrong it is on their part!
DeleteCheers
Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteCheers
This is such a sad thing and true in our society. A girl has to be fit for marriage which includes all the physical aspects. :( When will we get rid of these?
ReplyDeleteI don't know but I know, not anytime soon!
DeleteCheers
Arranged marriage was the male dominant indian society's way of creating a hierarchy and fear so that the men could always dominate and women stay under their feet. Sigh! As though women are objects!
ReplyDeleteAnd the irony is women happily succumb to this arrangement!
DeleteCheers
Love the phrase - Broad and bold!! You nailed it with this post Geets - the woman has to compromise on everything while the male gets his picks! Its a sad way of things and hope it changes more and more with parents mindsets improving.
ReplyDeletecheers
A is for AprilFools #atozchallenge
Thank you Shalini :)
DeleteI am so glad you liked it! I hope our generation changes it a bit!
Cheers
Arranged marriages really get my goat partly because of the emphasis on external attributes like looks for the woman, and social standing for the man. Lets not forget caste - which is the main reason for arranged marriages. I think a woman whose family wants to arrange her marriage can defy them by remaining large and confident. Till they let up on pressurising her. Hahah
ReplyDeleteBlame #Lexicon of Leaving
At the end of the day if they're happy with what they signed up, that too is fine but going overboard is not done!
DeleteCheers
Arranged marriage is a risk and same goes with love marriage too. I know its wrong to see somebody just as a chubby or fat but from health point of view it is not wrong. People should encourage others to be healthy and not to be thin.
ReplyDeleteYes! People should be more encouraging towards health perspective!
DeleteCheers
Well said, Geets. These thoughts often cross my mind too. When Beauty and the Beast came out recently, there were so many critics who said, if she was the beast, then the guy would've never fallen for her.
ReplyDeleteI recently had an argument with someone who said "Women criticize people too much." I should probably send a link to this post and say, "Nope, we're not the shallow ones. We're not the criticizing ones."
Glad to know you could resonate with the post! Unfortunately, it is so common around us, that if we there is a bit of opposition against it, and people start to lose their minds!
DeleteCheers
ohh GG, it's like you looked into my life, and wrote about 1 of the on-going painful chapters! Thank you for understanding - Fat people are people too!
ReplyDeleteGreat start to AtoZ!
Cheers,
I
Girls cant reject boys. She and her family must feel blessed that a potential groom who is well eduacated and earns decently as per societal norms.
ReplyDeleteAnd Geetika, you mentioned that about a girl, Sita who is well educated, working professional, well travelled, full of talent, sugar-coatingly sweet, beyond helpful to others, is a true winner in every field, popular amongst friends, is bold to take her stand, but... there’s always a but... But she is fat.
But what I have seen and experienced is that a girl will be rejected for being well educated, working professional, well travelled, full of talent, sugar-coatingly sweet, beyond helpful to others, is a true winner in every field, popular amongst friends, is bold to take her stand.
This is the sad state of mind of people. They want a winner girl for their son. But soon after marriage, they want her to be his shadow.
Nice post!