Once there lived a handsome boy in the city who was
the only son of Mr and Mrs Mehta. The boy came from a rich background and
beautiful parents. Soon there was a hunt for a bride for the boy. And not just
any bride, but a beautiful bride to suit the family image!
As the boy was getting older every year, the number
of suitable girls who would match the family status was going down. And this
really worried Mr Mehta! He didn’t have any demands, no dowry, no questions
about the qualifications... all they wanted was a beautiful, homely, not-so-ambitious
girl... to suit their conservative family needs!
The boy didn’t have much of an opinion. He was
happy with what his parents had decided for him.
5 years passed, and still no girl for their
handsome son. One was too educated, the other wanted to pursue her career post
marriage, one wasn’t fair enough, one had short hair, one was
too healthy, the other was too skinny, one had a long nose and the list
continued!
Finally, the search was over and they found the
perfect match for their son from a small town... tall, fair, timid, beautiful,
slim and homely, the one who would fit in their criteria.
Marriage happened and the girl was welcomed with
full pomp and show. It was a big wedding. All the relatives were touting about the
beautiful bride. People were literally in awe of her beauty. And this made
Mehta’s very happy!
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| Source |
But things don’t always remain fair and square. As
time passed, the family got over with her beauty and started pestering for her
not-so-fluent English, her grooming, her dressing sense, etc etc. No doubt, she
was the perfect homemaker, perfect daughter-in-law and perfect wife! But this
wasn’t enough for the Mehtas!
They wanted her to represent the family in a
sophisticated way and she did try as well but failed them every time. They
started lecturing her on the way she should carry herself and speak in public.
She felt really embarrassed and... ashamed! She failed to
fathom because that is how she was and that is what the family liked about
her... and now it seems all wrong! What was she doing wrong? She was trying her
best but couldn’t make them happy! And hence, she couldn’t be happy either!
Whose fault was it? The girl who was pure as white,
and perfect in every aspect one could ask for? Sure she was qualified, but
didn’t have much command in English!
So what is the big deal about it? Had the family
gone for the English speaking or the too much educated one, they wouldn’t want
her to go for a job!
I pity them! And there are so many others like them
of which we can’t really do anything! All I feel is blessed for not being
married in such a family! But in some corner of my heart, I feel sad as well
for that girl, who is best in every way and yet must be going through some
esteem issues!
What is your take on it? Do you only go by the
external beauty when it comes to marriages? Tell me about it all here!
Cheers
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Welcome to my Blog! This A to Z Challenge season I’m going to give you a ride and take you to all the places untouched! My theme this year is ‘Let’s see the other Side’, where I’ll be sharing about the daily nuances that we’ve been seeing in the same way since 1990’s! (:P) But this time you’re going to ponder over it a bit differently.
Stay tuned to find out what's more in store!
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I think arranged marriages can work, if the parents (on both sides) truly love their children and look beyond superficial characteristics to find a truly suitable mate-for-life, never assuming for a moment that they can - or should! - change the person they deem a good fit for their child. Of course it's a sad life for a girl who has to please her in-laws and has a weak husband who won't stand up to them on her behalf.
ReplyDeleteYes! That's the thing. I her husband would be supportive, it wouldn't be such a problem.
DeleteThanks for dropping by!
Cheers
marriage is life long commitment. More than beauty, understanding, the ability to tolerate the other person for life is most important. One can be beautiful outside, yet had a terrible mind.
ReplyDeleteYeah! That's the reason why I don't understand running after beauty than other qualities!
DeleteCheers
I really feel for this girl! To have someone try to change you every day must be soul destroying
ReplyDeleteDebbie
Me too! My heart breaks every single time I meet her!
DeleteCheers
Looks like the Mehtas want a Utopian vision as a daughter-in-law. Ah society. What can we do to change this, I wonder?
ReplyDelete*B for Beautiful: Shailaja/The Moving Quill*
I know!!! Being the change, too doesn't matter that much when such people are such high in number!
DeleteCheers
Again - the trap of an arranged marriage that doesn't look deep, whose criteria for a match is based on something superficial. And of course, treating a person like a commodity and then finding fault with her - as though you didn't get what you 'paid' for.
ReplyDeleteBlame #Lexicon of Leaving
Well, people have their own notions and it will take a long time to change this scenario!
DeleteCheers
One more reason for doing away with arranged marriage!
ReplyDeleteI mean how would you pick a partner in that system? What else would you look for?
Looks, family status, caste, salary (in case of grooms)... what else?
Surely, you can't actually get to know anything about the person in such a short time!
Anyway...
Happy AtoZing!
Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com
That is how it is and will continue to be!
DeleteCheers
I don't understand how people could choose a bride/groom based on appearance as the No1 requirement. It's sad to think that it happens in arranged marriages too.
ReplyDeleteLeanne | cresting the hill
Yes! Sadly, that's the reality!
DeleteCheers
I have seen people like Mehta's up close. When they were searching for a groom for my bestfriend, one guy rejected her saying she is well qualified. He wanted someone who was just 10th pass and who didn't have an opinion of her own!!
ReplyDeleteBrother
Someone want's something, the others want something else! And finally when they get what they want in life, they're not happy with it!
DeleteCheers
This is a sad situation in few Indian Families.Nice that you are bringing this out
ReplyDeleteGlad to know that! Look forward to see you around!
DeleteCheers
I feel you cannot change the basic character of a person, The people spoken of here are typical Indian In Laws who try to impoverish everything on a bride and corner her at every instance. Personal freedom and space is important in a family
ReplyDeleteLaunching SIM Organics
*Menaka Bharathi*
*SimpleIndianMom*
Space?! That's the word they hardly understand!
DeleteCheers
It's sad. I'm blessed to have a family that supports. But that is not the case with many. Each person should consciously change their mindset!
ReplyDeleteThailand Travel Stories at Kohl Eyed Me
26 Indian Dishes at Something's Cooking
Me too! But that's the truth! If it was so easy!
DeleteCheers
Feel sad for the poor girl who has to meet some high expectations. Of course, the Mehtas could have made it easier for her by being supportive and empathetic rather than stabbing her confidence and esteem.
ReplyDeleteIf only, the Mehtas had so much of maturity!
DeleteCheers
Poor girl. I can't imagine that people have this mentality in this day and age.
ReplyDeleteSuzy at Someday Somewhere - Letter B
And yet they have!
DeleteCheers
People in our society have such double standards. They want everything in their daughter-in-law but fail to acknowledge their own shortcomings. You raised an interesting topic here.
ReplyDeleteO such a profound thing you've said! They're ready to pinpoint the smallest of mistakes but won't say a single word for thousands of things she does!
DeleteCheers
Totally agree Geets, this society so badly needs to understand that you just can't have everything. Decide what you want and them marry your handsome and rich son.
ReplyDeleteMy everyday's banters in my tin(y)sel town
Glad the post could resonate with you, sweetie!
DeleteCheers
Marriage is hard and takes work -- whether it starts in an arrangement between families, or between individuals. Like you, I'm sad for the woman who gets stuck in a marriage where her partner doesn't understand or respect her, and her in-laws are cruel. This was a very thought provoking post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteB is for… beasts, blues and border control/Parenting in the Wilderness
Glad you liked it :)
DeleteCheers
Unfortunately Geets a majority of the marriages in small towns and villages where the majority of India resides are arranged considering external factors and I have seen the brides struggling , somehow managing or even perishing. Its such a sad state, wish things start changing for the good. It's incredible buddy that you are bringing up such tales, I did the same last A to Z.
ReplyDeleteYah! I remember reading you last year :) Happy to know you loved reading my post, Roma :)
DeleteCheers
The problem with a lot of arranged marriages is that it's based on superficial things. One of my uncles wanted a 'fair-skinned' wife and he got her --- she is extreeeeemly white but their relationship is crap even though they are together. It's not the superficial things that matter.
ReplyDeleteThat's the truth which no one wants to count on! Everyone wants to run after the beauty!
DeleteCheers
Tell me honestly would you choose something ugly for yourself? While beauty is not the only criterion for choosing a bride, it definitely helps if you look good. For that matter an ugly guy is an equal put off even if he had a million other ( read MONEY ) attributes
ReplyDeleteIt's not just about choosing a beautiful girl.. it's about being happy and contented. People are never contented with what they have!
DeleteCheers
Poor girl! I pity people who go about 'finding' girls suited to their needs..like you said, if she's educated its a problem, if she not, its a problem, if she's white, dark, outgoing, shy, likes to socialise, likes staying indoors, no matter what she does, its a problem...It's never about her, always them.
ReplyDeleteShubhangi @ The Little Princess
That makes so much sense, Shubhangi!
DeleteThanks for throwing light on it!
Cheers
Thats the irony of it all! People want everything and are never satisfied with what they have. Dont know when our society will change.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll keep waiting and die but that kind of change that we expect won't be there!
DeleteCheers
I feel so bad for the girl. Marriage is so much more than just just rituals and finding the right person. Relationships need work and I wonder the couple even know what that means.
ReplyDeleteIf only people would understand this and take unconditional effort towards their marriage!
DeleteCheers
This is so typically Indian! Though most Indians will deny being so. However the son maybe, but everyone wants a 'beautiful' bahu. So glad you're bringing these topics, which have been brushed under the carpet till now, by writing about them so well and in such an unbiased manner. Looking forward to more posts, GG!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, M! For filling so much positivity!
DeleteCheers
In traditional cultures yes too much premium on physical premium for girls very unfair so to say.
ReplyDeletehttp://poojasharmarao.blogspot.in/2017/04/b-bond-ruskin-inspirational-writers.html
Yes! And it happens all the time!
DeleteCheers
There has always been too many expectations on Women...and I loved the way you brought this into light through this post of yours....Well written :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Look to see you around.
DeleteI love the name of your blog!
Cheers
I don't know when will we all see that day when we'll be free by it!
ReplyDeleteCheers
Some people are never happy with anything! The fault is always found with a girl. I loved the message that you are trying to convey here. It is time that became a progressive society
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton Reema :)
DeleteCheers
Unless the husband stands by her and boosts her morale, its a bad state to be in honestly. They knew her pros and cons going in... after all, it is a matter of a language, not something that can be hidden. To mock her on the cons after she isstuck with them is bad culture, really
ReplyDeleteGodyears.net
And yet we can do nothing about it! :(
DeleteAnother wonderfully thoughtful post on the Indian mentality! Loving this series a lot G
ReplyDeleteIts so sad when something like this happens; seen my sistes and friends go through it countless number of times.
Theme: Peregrination Chronicles (travel)
B is for BodyArt #atozchallenge
Thank you so much Shalini! And I was having so many second thoughts about starting it! You always pat my back! Lots of love to you!
DeleteCheers
It's like, people want the cake, the frosting, the chocolate, everything! I mean, the parents should have sorted out their priorities before hunting for a girl. Why crib later on?
ReplyDeleteThere are so many ways of looking at this situation! It surely fits your theme of looking at the other side :)
Thank you so much Mithila!
DeleteCheers
It's like what you mentioned in your previous post. When it comes to arranged marriage, people are only concerned about the looks. Most of the times, it backfires. You know nothing about the person. You're going to a whole new household. In this case, she didn't speak English well and they found it to be a fault. There are many small things like this, and how much will the girl give in to and compromise. It's her life too, that she's now lost.
ReplyDeleteUgh, society sucks!
Yeah! Hell of things which don't even matter in the long run, are given so much importance and then it creates a lot of chaos in their lives! At the end of the day, people are never satisfied with what they have! They're ready to find fault even if they get near perfection!
DeleteCheers
How sad that this couple is subject to so much scrutiny! There is no such thing as the perfect mate and I would hope love is a factor in there, somewhere. Outward appearances aren't nearly as important as inner beauty.
ReplyDeleteTerrible for the girl and eventually could ruin the marriage with their interfering.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad, that's why saying no to conditioning and conformity is important
ReplyDeleteTina