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There are certain things you learn from time to time and yet there are truths that hit you in your face like nothing else.
|There are things that smash you down and leave you broken. There are conversations that take away every bit of peace and sanity in you, leaving you behind absolutely numb.
Building brick by brick, one tries to make their relationship/marriage into a less miserable one but when they learn the truth, all they feel is, it was all utter waste. Waste of time, waste of energy, waste of efforts, and a waste of every single ounce of pain that you take for your relationship.
At the end of the day, when you learn that there is no significant difference between you and that yapping lady next door who is always, mind you always, is on her toes to eat her husbands’ head for every petty thing in her life and you, on the other hand, control the strongest desire of yours to talk about things that worry you and wait for the right time to discuss, or try to understand the frame of mind of your partner and then mould yourself accordingly, or after waiting for like a billion years, when you finally say for things you want to experience and yet after all this while, all you earn for yourself is the title of that yapping woman... it does nothing but shatters you completely!
How do you make peace? How do you accept all of this and go ahead? Sure, a glass of wine would help ease the pain, but that is all temporary. What about permanent solutions? But then I feel, we live in a time where nothing is actually permanent in life and that, my friend, is the sad reality!
After a few years of togetherness, you find out that nothing ever is going to change! Things will remain the way they are or worse, they may take a backseat as well! The storm that has hit your lives decide to never leave you!
Are you willing to take it forward and live with this truth? What would you do in such a situation? If you’re in a relationship, sure you can break-up, but what do you do in a marriage? Leave your partner, saying what, you have compatibility issues? In a society where the ideal marriage means having the arrangement of having the perfect house, perfect car, perfect in-laws or the perfect ‘wealth’ to fulfill all your desires and yet the biggest quotient of ‘love’ is absent, what do you do? Do you walk out of that arrangement? Or do you have an extra-marital affair or do you wait for that forlorn day when you will have love by your side? What really should one do in a situation like this?
What you feel is the ray of hope in a darkness like this which is barely seen or observed?
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Good question Geetika. Its not easy at all and that's why I have seen many making adjustments and still going on with the same relationship for years. Now actually things are changing but still there is a long way to go. I think its better to let go than being in a relationship where you are not happy.
ReplyDeleteLetting go of a marriage isn't an easy thing to do. It's tougher if one has compatibility issues. As in if both of them are actually decent people but just not suited to each other. I think counselling might help to bridge the gap between the two sensibilities. If both partners are keen to keep the marriage going they definitely should seek help before they take a decision.
ReplyDeleteI see so many marriages without love and/or compatibility, that it has kept me single so far, and I'll be forty next year! That "perfect marriage arrangement" that you mentioned makes it difficult in our society to break-up from a marriage that's not working.
ReplyDeleteGood question, and there are no easy answers to this, are there? I've seen a lot of loveless marriages, and I think they are suffocating. This ideal of "perfection" that we are running behind keeps us tied down. What should one do? I believe it's better to be alone than to be caught in a relationship where there is no love and where you're not valued. But I also know that it's hard for a lot of women to walk out of a life of relative comfort just over compatibility issues.
ReplyDeletemoderngypsy.in
You have raised all the right questions, Geetika and unfortunately tough ones too. As you said, nothing is permanent in this world and one needs to achieve peace with that nugget. As for the questions, I believe one should listen to their heart and take the most sensible step forward. A step which one is sure that they wouldn't regret in the years to come.
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't think perfection exists and I don't think love is always the answer that makes up for everything, I do think relationships need companionship and understanding. In the end, if there is no conversation and companionship, I think it's a good enough reason after everything has been tried (e.g. counselling etc) to leave a relationship. But aiming for perfection is not the way :)
ReplyDeleteYou need to talk - having a conversation and being honest about what you feel is wrong, or what hurt you - can help. It won't work overnight but might take some time to sort things out.
ReplyDeleteFor any relationship to work mutual respect is very important, you can never continue being in a relationship when you are given no importance and considered as a piece of furniture. I would say staying in any relationship which does not give you happiness is a strict no - after all we have one life to live and that can never be wasted on someone who does not even know you are wasting on him
ReplyDelete