Somehow, I’ve started speaking less.
It surely sounds like a relief to the people around me but this thing is kind of taking a toll on me. It is affecting me big time.
Sometimes I wonder am I moving towards depression? What is it that is going wrong in my life? Or what is it that is bothering me so much?
Everything, almost everything around me is in good shape and yet I don’t feel that joy. Even if there is a sense of happiness, it is temporary.
I don’t feel like going out, I don’t feel like meeting my friends and even if I do, I barely speak with them and I mostly prefer to stay mum. And yes, I do cry for no reason. Tiniest of things affect me, my sensitivity is at its epitome! All of it is so UNLIKE me! Countless thoughts revolve around the orbit of my brain and it’s difficult to find an escape. These thoughts are usually negative.
I’m turning into a woman I don’t like. My zeal to do things seems to flicker, the emphatic nature that I have seems to fade away, finding joys in others joys seems like a task, I get unhappy with what I have and wish for things (not necessarily materialistic) that others have!
All this is because I’m speaking less. And I don’t really know why! I always have expressed my heart out, talking to people has been my forte, and meeting them and feeling good has always been on my plus side! And now, suddenly, it seems incomplete.
I know it in my heart when I’m back to my usual self, all of this crap will go away!
Not that I have a lot of free time, a lot is going on but that volition to be good, do things, entertain people, be the heart and soul of my friends is languishing.
Yesterday, I met a dear friend after a really long time. And she was busy on her phone mostly and I was bored and thus ended up being on my phone! Again so unlike me!
I was home after being at my mum’s place for a couple of days and coming home meant happiness, it meant seeing my husband after a while. It was bliss. I loved having him around and things were going pretty smooth between us. And yet, I got pissed on such a petty thing. And spoilt my mood. And mind you, he was nowhere at fault. It was all in my head, all the futile, baseless thoughts that I keep having, that botch up everything around me, every time!
Is it depression? Are these the symptoms? Or is it the late-twenty crisis? Or are my planetary situations a bit deviated from their paths (if only there is a sound reason behind it)? I don’t know it yet and I don’t feel like finding out either!
The situation is not that worse, but it’s not good on the other hand! Something is bothering me, I just don’t know it yet!
Does this ring a bell with you? Have you felt something like this? What did you do? How did you escape? You gotta tell me! It really is affecting me!
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| #MondayMusings |
Love,
Geets
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I believe we all feel that way from time to time - one thing I would suggest is sticking with your writing through these times. You may be going through a stage of growing/maturing - I think you will know soon enough. Great rewards may be at the other end of this unhappiness. (Says someone in her 60's).
ReplyDeletei'll try to stick to it. I just want to get out of this phase. Simple. I'll surely work out the inputs you've given me. Thanks much! I so wish what you're saying turns out to be true!
DeleteCheers
Write, write and write. That will help you sort out whatever you are feeling. Trust me :)
ReplyDeleteI'm on it Naba! Thanks for encouraging me!
DeleteCheers
Hormones I would say ... I used to go through that and I know how it feels when you can't pin point the reason of being sad even when everything is going great. Find a good friend and talk and write... write more. Let everything out ...we are here to listen :)
ReplyDeleteI have friends around me, it's just I don't talk to them much. Nor do I call them that often :(
DeleteWriting seems to be the only savior to me right now!
Thank you for your endless support Raj!
Cheers
First time here, Geetika! You do seem to be under a lot of stress. While I'm no expert, sometimes feelings of despondency can also signal low vitamin levels in the body. Maybe you could start on a light walking regime to clear your thoughts, write or maintain a diary. All of us go through phases of low in our life and it might not have a valid reason. If all fails then be sure to seek professional help. Good luck :-)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my abode Uma. I hope you like it here and I'd love to see you more often :)
DeleteLow vitamins? That didn't occur to me to be honest. I'll sure get them checked. And walking too seems a great idea, if only I have that will to get up early morning!
Thank you for your inputs. I really appreciate them!
Cheers
All of us go through this at some point. A change in routine or a holiday helps :D Seriously. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteI guess! A bit of new things are going to get added in my routine and they will occupy my time even more. I hope that changes things!
DeleteThank you Ami:)
Cheers
Do reach out to a therapist. No harm in getting it checked out for depression. Also can you get Vit D test done? When l suffered from Vit D deficiency, l suffered from depression, fatigue and general lack of interest.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll go for the test first and if the problem persists I might seek professional help. Though it sure seems like a distant dream to me!
DeleteThank you Rachna!
Cheers
To answer your question - yes I've been there. It can mean many things Geetika. Do get your vitamin levels checked - B12 specifically, moreso if you are a vegetarian. Meanwhile seek out a friend who can actually 'listen' to you without fiddling with her/his phone. And do keep writing. Also, find a form of exercise that you like. I find it lifts my mood. If nothing helps seek out a therapist.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm a vegetarian. I have to get them checked. I'm starting with small. Writing to be precise and see where it takes me.
DeleteThank you Tulika for such insightful inputs!
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I think Rachna and Tulika are right. Many a times when Vitamin D and B12 go down depression like attributes start appearing because of internal weakness. Keep writing for writing clears the blur in the mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure by now writing is going to be the therapy I need. Of course, along with getting my vitamins checked!
DeleteThank you Anamika :)
Cheers
YES. YES. YES Geetika The situation you are going through is same as my situation too. I have many thoughts but I dont get any direction of my thoughts and unnecessarily I react and cry at the same time. I also speak less with people who are adamant to at least give ears to my words. This also makes me very claustrophobic. I even loose interest in writing Blog. I took help from an Astrologer, chant some meditation mantras as per instruction in front of God and got solution from astrologer. I will not say that I got 100% result but slowly my negative thoughts is slowly becoming positive, I try to listen to people more who is not interested to hear me. Later on, I am trying hard to forget their words. focus more on future plans and spend time with God. It is a slow process but may be I can also overcome this depression phase.
ReplyDeleteI advise you to indulge in peace and if you believe in planets, then seek a help of a good Astrologer.
I'll probably try meditation I guess. Recently one of the astrologer told me about my planet conditions and they are not very well placed right now. And this thing which is going on, it is bound to happen. May it will pass with time.
DeleteHow are you doing? Did you seek any professional help? As said by the others, do write. Even if you don't blog, write!
We can always be each others' partners who can help one another and try to improve our current status. What do you think?
Thank you for sharing everything you knew with me!
Cheers
Sometimes, we all feel lost but if you think it's prolonged, see a therapist. The other would be to talk to people who listen. Family, friends or anyone. You can call me too. Always there. Hugs! take care.
ReplyDeleteLate twenties crisis? Not sure about that. Way past that age ;)
Thank you so much for everything. You're my rock!
DeleteI'll sure eat your head if it persists :P
Cheers
Take a sabbatical from life..abandon your fone..travel alone..explore places..discover yourself. .meditate in the lap of Himalyas. .happiness is within you. .you will find it right there.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. Done that. Traveled solo this month. And it didn't make things easy. Thanks a ton for sharing the idea :)
DeleteHappiness is sure within ourselves. I'm just searching for mine.
Thanks for dropping by :)
Cheers
State of restlessness will vanish when you decide not to be in it...have faith in yourself..
DeleteI think we all fell the same way at times. And sometimes the phase just lasts for a long time; Maybe a change of scene will help. Or just switching off completely. Talk to people - your family, friends and close ones; Keep them in the loop. You'll be fine :)
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton Sid. I'm going to go for all the things one by one and I really hope it works for me :)
DeleteCheers
No I ma not having them :) I had them 20 years ago :) :)
ReplyDeletebut this is what i do swithc off my wi fi router.. off my phone and go to a remote place .. I went to wales this year for a week .. where we had just the cottage i was in and mountains ...
Bikram's
That sure sounds the perfect way to unwind everything and start it all fresh. I hope it helped you :)
DeleteCheers
Can understand exactly what you say. But here's one thing I noticed in my life. Post the late twenty blues, came my early thirties and the magical mid thirty. And trust my, life took a turn around, and it got all better. Probably it's because I matured a bit more. But hey who really cares about the reason... Life actually begins at 35!!!! Trust me!!!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds terrific! Looks like a lot is stored in I guess to maintain the excitement. I'm glad you're enjoying this phase of life!
DeleteCheers
I think we all go through periods like this. What has helped me is journaling. Just put pen to paper and write your heart out. If you don't know what's troubling you, write that. Keep writing it and suddenly the dam will burst and the words will flow. It's always worked for me! Hope it does for you too.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Modern Gypsy
Yes. I am writing these days. I'm still not sure if it is helping me but I do get some peace after doing some writing!
DeleteThanks a ton :)
Cheers
Yes, been there, felt that. Fortunately got out of it, by God's grace. But, I would suggest you seek some professional help. What's the harm? It's for your own good. Talk to your closest friends. Take up a new hobby. It might help distract your mind and make you feel good about yourself. WIsh you the best and hope you feel better soon. Love and hugs! <3
ReplyDeleteThe thing is I don't feel like talking about it, even to my closest friends or family. And that is what sucks!
DeleteI'll sure update when I feel better Shilpa.
Thanks for cheering me :)
Love and hugs to you!!
Cheers
I think it's great that you can write about your feelings since trying to figure out what's going on is a step to getting help if you need it. If you don't feel like your regular self again, you may wish to reach out to a therapist or doctor.
ReplyDeleteSo far writing is working for me. I try not to think much about anything and it looks fine till now. Will surely seek help if the problem persists!
DeleteThank you!
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We have all gone through this phase for sure. Recently I have been facing this as well. But things get fine when we start forgiving ourselves, when you loosen ends of specific things and just let yourself be without attachment. Not always easy but yes when we try we succeed. Healing! :)
ReplyDeleteWell said Ashwini. Thank you for your valuable suggestions! I hope things work out for you soon!
DeleteCheers
It was as if you were reading my mind. I sometimes switch off completely, sulk and feel blue. Else I write it out. Third option I get angry and scream at my husband for no fault of his and being a calm human being that he is, he would take me in his arms and ask me whats wrong. Sometimes, I would not have an answer, othertimes, I cry or sleep it off. Either way, it used to feel good. I hope you feel better too soon, Geets! Keep writing. Keep smiling.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Shalini :) It's happening more than often but I'm trying to write as much as possible. Tight schedules these is always keeping my hands off everything and I guess that's too working in a good way!
DeleteNext time when you have your blues, feel free to ping... I'll be all ears to your woes!
Cheers