Late-twenties crisis: Are you having one? #MondayMusings

Somehow, I’ve started speaking less.

It surely sounds like a relief to the people around me but this thing is kind of taking a toll on me. It is affecting me big time.

Sometimes I wonder am I moving towards depression? What is it that is going wrong in my life? Or what is it that is bothering me so much?

Everything, almost everything around me is in good shape and yet I don’t feel that joy. Even if there is a sense of happiness, it is temporary.

I don’t feel like going out, I don’t feel like meeting my friends and even if I do, I barely speak with them and I mostly prefer to stay mum. And yes, I do cry for no reason. Tiniest of things affect me, my sensitivity is at its epitome! All of it is so UNLIKE me! Countless thoughts revolve around the orbit of my brain and it’s difficult to find an escape. These thoughts are usually negative.

I’m turning into a woman I don’t like. My zeal to do things seems to flicker, the emphatic nature that I have seems to fade away, finding joys in others joys seems like a task, I get unhappy with what I have and wish for things (not necessarily materialistic) that others have!

All this is because I’m speaking less. And I don’t really know why! I always have expressed my heart out, talking to people has been my forte, and meeting them and feeling good has always been on my plus side! And now, suddenly, it seems incomplete.

I know it in my heart when I’m back to my usual self, all of this crap will go away!

Not that I have a lot of free time, a lot is going on but that volition to be good, do things, entertain people, be the heart and soul of my friends is languishing.

Yesterday, I met a dear friend after a really long time. And she was busy on her phone mostly and I was bored and thus ended up being on my phone! Again so unlike me!

I was home after being at my mum’s place for a couple of days and coming home meant happiness, it meant seeing my husband after a while. It was bliss. I loved having him around and things were going pretty smooth between us. And yet, I got pissed on such a petty thing. And spoilt my mood. And mind you, he was nowhere at fault. It was all in my head, all the futile, baseless thoughts that I keep having, that botch up everything around me, every time!

Is it depression? Are these the symptoms? Or is it the late-twenty crisis? Or are my planetary situations a bit deviated from their paths (if only there is a sound reason behind it)? I don’t know it yet and I don’t feel like finding out either!

The situation is not that worse, but it’s not good on the other hand! Something is bothering me, I just don’t know it yet!

Does this ring a bell with you? Have you felt something like this? What did you do? How did you escape? You gotta tell me! It really is affecting me!

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Stay or Walk Away

You and me

Makes us we

Made for each other they say

Not a single clue I see 

To everything they claim!

No sounds amongst the folks

No words when alone

No sharing of thoughts

No fun and laughter

Smiles seem to disappear,

The moment I come near.

What is it, I'm trying to figure 

May be a hallucination or a reality I fear!

Sometimes I wonder, why I am with you

There's not a single thing that you want me to do for you

Experts say spending time, traveling to places makes things better.

What I experience is, the more we accompany each other,

The more we go to places,

Makes me realize, 

what a hollow thing we follow!

Tiffs turn into fights 

The frugal talk that we barely share

Vanishes all away!

The only time you want to come to me

Is when your body starts craving for its needs! 

What should I do,

I don't understand 

You don't like the way I talk,

You look with repugnance, the way I dress

You don't let me be

What should I call this,

Too much space or 

Too little love?

What I say, never means anything to you

My value in your life, is just next to zero!

Should I walk away from all of this?

But you're a humble man they say!

Or should I let the situation be like this

Stay with you forever and die inside steady and slow!

Day 23 of NoMo

Happy Reading 

Cheers

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Not feeling Connected?

Blogging.. why do we do it? Mainly because we want to bring out whatever is there in our heads somewhere and give voice to our thoughts. Then, there comes a need to feel connected..with the world.. with the fellow bloggers, in terms of staying in touch with them and beyond that being able to connect with them. That is something I guess we all love. Nothing is better than letting your readers get connected with you with you write. And if you’re able to achieve that.. then TADA.. you’re probably on the right path as far as writing is concerned. It’s satiating enough only by knowing that you and your readers think alike.

It’s like the unexpected dessert in the end. But when you jot down whole heartedly, and you barely see anyone responding to it or may be finding the link towards it.. it’s a  sad feeling. One such thing did happen with me. Writing a post with all my heart and narrating an incident which I suppose, is quite common in many of our lives, yet not getting connected with your readers pricks a bit in the heart. Such is this post of mine.

Already a not so sweet memory, and then nobody around to relate with it. You see the irony?

How about you guys? Has it ever happened with you? I’m sure it must have.. I’d love to read your experience.. please drop in

Linking with NabloPoMo (NationalBlog Posting Month)

Till then..

Happy Reading

Cheers

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